


Pavane for the Past

by eveynull



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Complicated Relationships, Declarations Of Love, Drama & Romance, Evil Wins, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Gentle Kissing, Girls Kissing, Hate to Love, Police Brutality, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-07 16:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16857256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveynull/pseuds/eveynull
Summary: Another take on the conflict between the Horde and Kingdoms of Etheria, in a more modern setting with similar conventional warfare.Catra, a senior Horde officer, has been the driving force behind a finally successful military campaign to invade and conquer the Kingdom of Brightmoon.Along with her companions, Entrapta and Scorpia, her crack squad now is rewarded with a period of relative relaxation helping to facilitate the military occupation of the Capital.But things take a shocking turn and Catra's life is turned upside-down when she encounters an old friend and lost love in possibly the worst and most challenging of circumstances... and while she wishes things could be just as they were before, how can she trust a relationship where she holds their very life in her hands?





	1. Victory Lap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was entirely inspired by Laguna and Julia in Final Fantasy VIII, I just want to get that out the way right now <_<;

Catra leaned back and kicked her feet up on the back of Scorpia’s seat, head tilted lazily sideways to watch the lights of the city flick by. Their ragged jeep was a sorry sight juxtaposed to the bright atmosphere of Brightmoon, a grotty military machine rumbling noisily along empty streets betwixt spiralling ivory towers and gleaming cultural centres.

If they’d spent half as much effort building up a viable defense force they might not have fallen so easily. Now all of this belonged to The Horde, their legacy just another tick on a growing list of victorious campaigns. Catra had earned her fair share of the glory, directing a crack team of saboteurs deep within enemy territory on a series of daring missions that had obliterated the Brightmoon supply lines; after that it was just a matter of the main assault heaping on enough pressure to make them crack. And now here they were in the Capital… a well-earned break.

“Whoof, you think they’d be happier to see us!” Scorpia chirped from the front seat. Catra cast an aloof gaze over the handful of pedestrians that trudged along the streets that were probably bustling with activity not more than a week ago. She snorted derisively.

“So much for that fighting spirit. One heavy defeat and they crumpled like a deck of cards.”

“A _house_ of cards!” Entrapta chimed in from the driver’s seat, leaning cooly back and sipping from her flask through a straw. Catra didn’t know what concoction the engineer carried around with her but it sure wasn’t water. Probably sugary enough to send her pancreas screaming in terror. She was looking around gleefully, barely an eye on the road as she steered with one hand, leaning out the window. “And _what_ a house!!! Oh man, I can’t _wait_ to get my hands on some of the stuff that keeps _this_ place running. I mean, _Horde_ stuff gets the job done but it’s so _dull_ and _efficient_ , all so _fit for purpose_ , there’s stuff here that could cause some _real_ fireworks if ya know what I mean!!”

“Yeah, no one knows what you mean, ‘Trapta.” Catra smirked, rolling her eyes. They made a bizarrely competent team; her wits, Entrapta’s intellect and Scorpia’s… well, just look at her. She’d had her doubts going into this, she was far more prepared for going into a more direct commanding role as a Battalion leader or something or other. But this assignment had worked out _incredibly_. They covered all the bases perfectly. This rebellion never stood a chance.

“Oh, oh! I know this place! Ahh, my parents took me here when I was a kid, back when Brightmoon was more _accommodating_ to our family.” Scorpia jabbed with a claw, indicating their approach to a glamorous city square complete with a huge statue that doubled as a fountain. It was switched off, currently, and light reflected off the surfaces of a thousand coins tossed into its basin. “Oh, I _loved_ the flowers around here, they were a gift from Plumeria you know, a message of goodwill – and that statue, that was presented by Salineas – ahh, this whole place is intended as a testament to unity and peace in Etheria…”

Catra sat up, leaning her chin on her hand as she watched the spectacle drift past. She snorted. “Well, so much for _that_. First sign of trouble and they all ditched Brightmoon to fend for themselves. Just goes to show you can’t trust a royal. Uh, present company excluded,” she added quickly, though Scorpia simply laughed and waved a claw in response.

 

* * *

 

“We’re here!” Entrapta cut in and suddenly the vehicle swerved, a rough shriek escaping Catra as she’s flung to the side, smacking her shoulder on the car door. She hissed, pushing herself back up.

“A little _warning_ would be _appreciated_ , Corporal _._ ”

Entrapta simply grinned, pushing her driver’s goggles up and off her face to beam at Catra. “Sorry, Cap, but… wow, what a place!” She was up and out of the door in an instant, eyes gleaming with excitement as she stared up at the dazzling hotel front that stretched out for what seemed like miles above them. Catra, too, was left agape as she stepped out – so taken in fact that she this once neglected to berate Entrapta for yet another _less than ideal_ parking attempt which had left their vehicle mounting the pavement and all but halfway through the door.

“Dang… think command is happy with us?” Scorpia joined them, whistling in amazement. “Wish I’d packed something fancier, gonna feel _weird_ hanging around here in my field gear all day. Though maybe I can spook ‘em into a few meals on the house…”

“We’re not here for a _holiday_ , Scorps.” But Catra’s expression betrayed her, hands on her hips and a toothy grin that was unmistakeably devilish. “We’re here to maintain order, make sure the locals keep in line and don’t get any _ideas_.”

But that wasn’t to say they couldn’t enjoy themselves. Strictly speaking, their duties were now _ongoing_ for an indefinite period, as close to a reward as was liable to be provided in the Horde’s service. Everyone had a part to play, no one got to rest on their laurels and take a comfy ride along the rest of their career. But good service _would_ get you a little bonus here and there.

Catra’s claws echoed on polished marble floors as the trio entered the hotel lobby, Scorpia once again giving a sharp intake of breath as the sparkle-eyed woman took in the entrancing décor all around them. To Catra, it was all just so garish and unnecessary, a testament to the _wastefulness_ that would only have brought about Brightmoon’s own destruction had the Horde not stepped in themselves.

Across from them a nervous-looking receptionist tapped a pen agitatedly on his desk. He offered a meek smile, clearly trying too hard not to keep staring at the Horde emblem pinned to Catra’s chest. She leaned forward, closing the distance between their faces with an intimidating glare to match. Her fingers reached gradually across the stone desktop before delicately pinching the pen out from the man’s fingers, placing it purposefully to the side while managing to obtain eye contact.

“Ah, w-welcome to Castle Brightmoo-”

“Our rooms.”

“Y-yes, of course, we’re all set to take you! U-um, breakfast is from six to eleven, the bar is 24 hours and service and facilities will be on hand at all times to make your-”

“ _Thank_ you, our keys will do _just fine._ ” She snapped impatiently, grinding her teeth. Nothing more annoying than a snivelling rambler, it was all too familiar and she half expected to spot a certain mute reptilian to be loitering around ready to pick up the pieces if this guy shattered. “We don’t need-”

“Ooh, there’s a _bar_?” Scorpia appeared in an instant, her claw drawing marks into the desk surface as she slid into the conversation and leant in front of Catra to draw the man’s attention. “Oh, I’ve been _dying_ to try some of Brightmoon’s finest _beverages,_ I don’t suppose you might be convinced to offer some _complementary_ tasters…?”

Not sure how to react to Scorpia’s sudden _presence_ , he stammered, quickly mumbling vague words of concession before being just as quickly interrupted by Entrapta’s face suddenly pressing up into his, locks of purple hair grasping him excitedly.

“Ooh! What about catering arrangements? I have _very specific_ dietary requirements which _must_ be attended to, do you happen to provide a finger buffet? That is not _literal_ fingers, you understand, but-”

“He _knows_ what a finger buffet is, Entrapta! That is- hey! _I’m_ in charge here!”

She bit her lip, immediately resenting the infantile tone she’d taken almost on reflex to re-assert her authority. Swiftly she wrestled back control, pushing the other two aside to press herself closer towards the hapless man. She hoped the smile presented his way was as intimidating as she intended. “Okay. Our keys, complementary drinks and dinner for tonight. And I want a wakeup call at eight tomorrow.”

“I-if I might…”

“ _Excuse me?_ ”

The look she gave could have killed had he not swiftly reduced himself by ten inches to avoid her withering gaze. His hands came up defensively, “Ah- I-I only wanted to mention- there is- ah, entertainment provided as a courtesy- to, to welcome our new Horde friends…”

Catra’s eyebrow perked up and she gave the guy some space. The smirk returned to her face and she nodded slowly.

“Hmph. Very good. We’ll… accept.”

Oh, there was that satisfying tingle in her chest as she retrieved a set of keys from trembling fingers. Power. Respect. Submission.

 

* * *

 

She waved off the others as she retired, groaning as soon as her clothes were off and immediately throwing herself face-first into the gentle embrace of a bed that had no right being as soft as it was. What the hell. She grabbed handfuls of quilt in her fists and mauled it, pushing and kneading it, digging her fingers in and just _experiencing_ the _fluffiness_. This was. _Incredible_. Nothing in the horde came anywhere _near_ to comparing. Forget the tanks, screw the missiles, stuff the guns and boats and machines- _this_ was what they’d been getting wrong all along. And now it was theirs, _theirs_.

Hers.

She felt a cold touch at her neck and shivered. Her hand clasped around the locket that hung there from a chain. Something started to push its way up her throat. Treacherous hands popped it open before she could stop them and she glimpsed down at the face that looked up at her from within. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. A smile that made her heart somersault.

_It should have been ours._

She’d already dug a claw mark into it years ago but here, now, she felt more than ever like tearing it apart entirely, or ripping the whole thing off its chain and tossing it out the window. Instead she just closed her eyes and let herself fall forwards again, quelling the temptation to cry a muffled scream into the feathery pillows.

_Adora. Why did you leave us?_

_Why did you leave me?_

Before she knew it she’d balled up and fallen asleep, three months’ worth of guerrilla routine finally catching up to her.

She woke to a rapping at the door that was unmistakeably Scorpia. No one else’s massive claws tapped like that.

“Catra? Hey, Catra! We’re heading down, you wanna join us?”

“Mreh? Ah… sure, hold up a sec…”

Damnit. She’d at least wanted time to shower or something but instead she’d slept the whole afternoon away. She took a minute to at least throw some water on her face before dressing, just a collared shirt and some plain pants. Her reflection caught her eye – god, she looked _tired._ Like she’d aged ten years in the three she’d been in active service. Ughh. She needed this. All of them did, really. Scorpia’s enthusiasm had barely changed, neither had Entrapta’s… whatever it was that was keeping her going. But how long could they all keep going like this? They had Brightmoon, but this war was nowhere near finished. The other kingdoms would prove no pushovers themselves. And after that, assuming she lived to see the day… what would be next?

No, no, this was _exactly_ why they needed a break, she couldn’t get into _doubting_ like this. She was worn out, that was all, she just needed to get herself set up and then they could get marching on to Salineas.

 

* * *

 

She emerged to find Scorpia and Entrapta chipperly chatting away in the corridor. Didn’t take them long to get settled in. Her mouth retained a slight smile as they proceeded downstairs, finally finding themselves in the basement-level bar. It was, as with everything else, an extravagant affair – though contrasting with the upstairs the colours were subdued, shades of gold and red lit up by a graceful overhanging chandelier and an opulent patterned carpet stretching from wall to wall beneath their feet. Scorpia could barely contain herself.

They found themselves a seat – luscious, plush sofas around candle-lit tables which were hurriedly adorned with bread, silverware and glasses of wine. Entrapta entirely disregarded the latter, continuing to sip from her own flask and instead sliding her glass over to Scorpia, who downed both with a satisfied smacking of her lips.

“I can’t. Believe. We’re _here!!!_ Brightmoon!! Ahh, I mean, I knew we _would_ but it was always just a _goal_ there hanging in front of us, something we were working towards, you know? But we’re _here!_ ”

“I never had any doubt! With our skills combined there was absolutely zero chance of failure, it was only a matter of how long before our objectives were fully achieved – I admit that embarrassingly I seem to have overestimated by a week or so, but I believe that my estimations fell within an entirely acceptable margin for error-”

Catra rested her cheek into her hand, giving a fond smile as she tuned out from their idle chatter, idly running a finger in circles around the rim of her wine glass.

She was glad to have found this squad; not just for their professional expertise but their personalities meshed together surprisingly well. Once you understood these two’s mannerisms, they weren’t so hard to get along with and honestly, most of the time she was content to let them bounce off each other and watch the sparks fly. And in the end, for all their quirks, at the end of the day they respected her and never once doubted her orders.

Food came, along with more wine, both of which Scorpia indulged in with vigour – Entrapta, next, when her own diminutive dishes arrived moments later. Catra, personally, couldn’t stomach the whole thing; too rich, too much. Not that she wouldn’t be sneaking a little away for later (as if they could stop her).

As the night went by she cast an eye around the floor. They weren’t alone, but the place was hardly crowded. Their appearance wasn’t unnoticed and many a gaze was quickly averted as she eyed up each in turn. Richies, all of them, the crustiest of the upper crust, the only ones who could still dare to indulge here at this time, in the midst of war. They were bestowed with only the grandest of contemptuous glares. They’d get their just rewards soon enough, when Hordak took full reign of the kingdom.

 

* * *

 

Suddenly, the lights dimmed and the other patrons all simultaneously broke into applause. Catra blinked once, twice, eyes narrowing and turning to watch the stage that was now lit up with a spotlight. _What now?_ She sighed. She didn’t get these people, their customs, their obsessions and overindulgences. This was not her world, not her people. Part of her already couldn’t wait to put it all behind her.

But just as that thought crossed her mind, something stepped onto the stage that caused her eyes to nearly pop out of her skull. A tall, blonde woman, in a sleeveless red dress that was in all ways modest, well-fitted and _perfect_ , emerged bearing a small wooden… instrument?

She bowed as she came forwards, the applause growing in a swell of excitement from even the few people present. Scorpia joined in herself with a louder clacking of claws, while Entrapta adjusted her goggles and leaned forwards to get a better look.

“Fascinating. She’s…”

 _Beautiful._ Catra caught the word on the tip of her tongue and swallowed it quickly, hand over her mouth to stop anything more inadvertently tumbling out.

Something about the woman dug its claws into her mind, her gleaming blue eyes, her charming smile, her fantastic, confident, powerful posture; she took in people’s attention and shone like a star. Catra, previously bitter and uncomfortable, felt entirely at ease and welcomed and-

Oh god, she was looking at her.

_She was looking at her._

Her heart nearly leapt out her chest. Her eyes bulged wide. The woman smiled an inch wider.

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, the Concierge’s voice cut through Catra’s thoughts:

“Honored guests, Castle Brightmoon is pleased to introduce your evening’s entertainment; may I present to you, performing tonight, famed violinist – She-Ra!”

The bow pressed to strings and played out a sweet siren song to Catra’s soul.


	2. Disenchanted

“Aw, I still think you should at least say hi! You were _staring_ at her the whole time!”

“I was _not-_ ”

“You were positively _mesmerised!_ I was considering whether there was some sort of neurological entanglement within the device, perhaps a resonation that harmonizes with your brainwaves and-”

“I just- _It was just a good performance!_ That’s all!”

Scorpia and Entrapta gave each other knowing looks across the breakfast table. Catra grated her teeth, desperately willing the blood away from her face. “Look- it’s not like I’m ever going to _see_ her again. We’ve got stuff to do as it is, I can’t waste my time-”

“Oh! You don’t have to worry about that! I already asked the helpful man if he could invite her to stay longer! She’s going to be here for at _least_ a week, maybe longer!”

Catra could have strangled Scorpia right then and there, her face twisting up in an anguished grimace. They’d not shut up about this _She-Ra_ since the performance ended last night and they’d noticed her staring starry-eyed at her. They weren’t wrong, either, which was the most aggravating part! She was _pretty_ and _charming_ and- oh god, there was the flutter in her stomach again. Swallow it down, Catra. Gnnuugh.

“Well, then… I guess we’ll… see her again tonight. _Maybe_ she’ll impress me twice. But don’t count on it- it was probably just the wine! And _speaking_ of which, you are _absolutely_ not to overindulge like that again, Lieutenant! On your _first_ night no less!”

Scorpia giggled and blushed. “I uh, didn’t do anything too embarrassing, right?”

“You nearly emptied the kitchen! And then you were _clinging_ to the Concierge like a _leech_ for the rest of the night! And _you_ ; stop bothering the other guests for some _social experiment-_ “

The others laughed over the rest of the meal while Catra scolded them both to no avail. Once they were done they were quickly out and the building heaved a sigh of relief as they departed.

 

* * *

  

Several hours’ worth of briefings later and Catra almost wished she were back out blowing things up. This was not just boring, it was _excruciating_. These cops had no clue what was expected of them and it was _her_ job to whip them into shape as part of the transitional period before the Horde took direct control. No more ‘Serving the public best interest’ or any of that garbage – they were Hordak’s eyes and ears now, his claws and teeth. God, no wonder they failed if they were this soft.

“How long d’you think they’ll last once the rest of the gang walks in?” Scorpia chuckled, waving a claw over her shoulder at the police department as they left.

“They’ll probably be erased already by then. It’ll be the last job before we go, I’d bet.”

“Ooh, I can’t wait!”

Catra snorted, one hand in her pocket as she swaggered her way along the street. In these hours of the day their role was pretty much open; there was a fair amount of paperwork to be done, but no particular rush to get it completed. Once Entrapta was in the mood they could knock it out in an hour or less; she kept tabs on their fastest times, in fact.

“You guys up for lunch?” she proffered with a tilt of her head, eyebrow raised. Might as well take the opportunity to get accustomed to their surroundings. She didn’t exactly want to bank on eating at the hotel for every meal. In fact, she’d caught the scent of something pleasing on the wind and her tail flicked in response, ears snapping forwards. “Mm, something smells _good_ , actually. Someone cooking?”

In response Entrapta adjusted the lenses on her goggles, pulling herself up on her hair like a periscoping snake. A few seconds later she jabbed her finger forwards with glee. “A bakery! Oh, _perfect_! I have been absolutely _dying_ to sample their baked goods, I hear their pocket paninis are to _die_ for-”

She’d stopped, realising the other two had been staring at her incredulously with hands on hips. She tapered off, blushing, strands of purple hair toying with each other bashfully. “Ah- that is, so I’ve heard… from raiding parties and… uhh, well, why don’t we just take a look! It would certainly be worth investigating the local-”

“Alright, alright, ‘trapta, you’ve convinced me. Let’s check it out.”

The shine in Entrapta’s eyes brought a smirk to Catra’s face as they crossed the road with purpose, already spotting the sagging shoulders of the storekeeper within who quickly busied herself preparing for the impending storm. They were greeted, of course, with an empty smile and an overly enthusiastic “Welcome!”

“Alright, ladies, food’s on me. Take your pick.” Catra didn’t bother acknowledging her, instead casting an aloof gaze about the establishment interior. It was rustic, compared to much of what they’d seen previously. If anything else, Brightmoon seemed to at least value doing things properly – the extravagant took time and time was something they clearly had far too much of. So she had no doubt the garishly bright cakes, some of which stretched up to the ceiling, were entirely made and decorated by hand.

“Ohoho, look at this one!” Scorpia held up a set of cupcakes that had been made out in the likeness of Queen Angella and the royal family. Catra put a hand to her mouth, sniggering at the sight.

“Is that…?”

“They were a special series… to inspire patriotism and, and loyalty to the Monarchy…” The shopkeeper clearly hadn’t been able to help herself but Catra was far too amused to punish her interruption.

“The Rebellion made _special cakes_? _This_ was the best they could come up with?”

“Ooh, Princess Glimmer looks _adorable_ here!” Scorpia’s claws were already painted with a coating of pastel-pink icing as she shamelessly manhandled the miniature cakes, admiring their craft up close. Catra took up the one in question and peered at it herself, laughing freely as she examined the princess’ cameo from different angles.

“Oh, she’s so cute I could just _eat her up!_ ” Catra trilled, and of course, took a bite out of her to illustrate. Damn, she hated how good it tasted. Like fireworks on her tongue. She chomped down on the rest of the cupcake, licking each finger pointedly before turning back towards the owner’s frowning face. She paused for a moment before patting down her pockets with a mock scoff.

“Ah, what d’you know? Looks like I forgot to pick up some of the local currency before coming out here. This stuff’s gonna all have to go on my tab, huh? Well, don’t sweat it, I’m sure I’ll remember to come back later.”

She was met with gritted teeth and a steely-faced nod. Of course. Horde got what Horde wanted. One of the _many_ caveats in being an occupied state. She could get these people to dance a merry jig for her if she so fancied, they’d paint the town red for her, and in fact some dark side of her was whispering at her to see _just how low they might go_ for as long as their fates were held so delicately between her claws.

_Felt good._

 

* * *

  

Munching on bread so fresh it was still warm from the oven – and she’d overseen its creation personally, lest the mint-haired lady had gotten any silly ideas about spitting in her food – Catra and her squad made their way nonchalantly back to their hotel and home base. Entrapta’s pockets rustled with each step, filled to the brim with anything she could squeeze in and then some; Scorpia was simply caked in icing which she still picked and licked at wherever she could reach it. Catra herself lapped up a stray smear or two from the back of her hand.

Once again her mood had flipped entirely from one extreme to the other; far from loathing this city only half an hour or so again and itching to get back into the field, now her mind was racing gleefully with all the exploits she might get up to in the upcoming month. She’d heard they’d turned video comms into _entertainment_ , now. It would probably take some getting used to, looking at a screen and not expecting to see Hordak’s sinister gaze leering back at her.

So much to see, so much to do. Plenty of time to do it in.

“Ohh, hey! Isn’t that-?”

Scorpia had stopped in her tracks, gazing up at a poster that had been pasted to the façade of what looked to be a derelict café, chairs still neatly stacked on tables gathering only dust and cobwebs. Catra paused herself, wheeling around to take a look herself.

Her jaw hit the ground and the loaf in her hand bounced once itself before being snatched up by Entrapta and promptly passed to Scorpia behind her back.

 _“Experience the legendary She-Ra!”_ The advertisement boasted. _“A marvel of musical talent, showing here at the Brightmoon Ball for one night only…”_

“Wow, this is an _old_ one!” Scorpia remarked, scratching at the frayed edges and faded colours. “Musta been a good three years or so ago, if I got my dates right.”

“Two years, seven months and twenty-six days,” Entrapta chimed in, bringing up her smartscreen and tapping on its surface briefly. “Aaaaand seventeen hours, twelve minutes… No, thirteen.”

Their chattering was lost on Catra. She stood agape, staring into the smiling face of a girl she’d thought lost forever.

 _I knew she looked familiar_.

The woman she’d seen the night before was older, more matured, after all it was hard _not_ to age quickly amidst war and invasion. She was different, just different enough to squirm out between the loose strands of Catra’s memory, but the image in front of her now was unmistakeable. In fact, now she knew, she felt all the more stupid for not realising before.

_Adora._

Before she could think about what she was doing, she’d stuck clawmarks down the sides of the offending article, grabbed the image of _betrayal_ and ripped it clean off the wall. Boiling, heaving rage pent up inside her and she balled up her _stupid, stupid traitor idiot face_ , crushed it between her hands and thrown it as far as she could manage before regaining control, eventually just standing, panting, gnashing her teeth. A firm tap on her shoulder made her spin around and hiss.

“Woah! Hey, Cap. Easy.” Scorpia’s expression was softened with concern. Catra didn’t often act up like this, especially not in public, so the woman was quick to tell something was wrong. Entrapta, in the meantime, slid out of view so as not to risk upsetting the situation further and instead chased the ball of paper as it attempted to bounce away in the breeze.

Scorpia, not so great with personal space, nudged a claw at Catra’s cheek. “You look mad. What’s up?” She looked to the remains of the poster and tilted her head, cogs turning in her skull. “Ahh… don’t tell me this girl did somethin’ to upset you last night? Is _that_ why you were feelin’ defensive about it? How about I break those pretty wrists of hers, see if she’ll manage to hypnotise you again with that music of hers…”

“No, Scorpia. Nothing like that.” Catra ran a hand down her face, resisting the urge to dig her claws in along the way. She groaned and sighed. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair of her to resurface _now_ , to rip those scars back open just as things were finally looking up for her, after she’d worked to make up for all of _her_ mistakes. _Damn it._

She patted Scorpia’s claw a couple of times, acknowledging her comrade’s gesture before shrugging it off. “Just, you know. This kinda stuff ticks me off something bad. Loada useless fluff.” A master of deflection, she huffed and span about. “Forget it. We should get back.”

“Ah… sure.”

Scorpia wasn’t the brightest or the best at reading a person but she could clearly tell something was still nagging at Catra. Still, she let the matter go and a few seconds later Entrapta came trotting up behind them again.

She pretended not to notice the balled-up poster segment being poked not-so-subtly into her back pocket.

 

* * *

  

As soon as Scorpia and Entrapta had returned to their rooms, Catra had sought out the Concierge once more, as much as they attempted to keep at least three rooms away from her. She-Ra, regrettably, was not yet available but would be performing over dinner as the night before. Leaving them quaking and with a fresh coating of nervous sweat she had stormed down to the bar and taken up her seat hours in advance.

She waited. She stewed.

Part of her wanted to believe she was wrong, that it was a stupid mistake, some sort of idiotic wishful thinking from a lingering juvenile corner of her brain, but when she pulled out the scrap of paper that bore the offending semblance of her ex-best friend it took only a brief glance to have her heart rate surge again.

It was her. It was her, after all these years. She had vanished, she had run away, and somehow, at some point, she had come to be here, right here, right now, at the absolute peak of Catra’s career.

God, how much she _hated_ that.

Scorpia and Entrapta arrived at some point. She barely paid any mind to their arrival, nor their shared glances. Catra’s eyes were fixed on the stage, daring her to emerge again.

 _Dare you, Adora. Dare you to try to come back now. Surely you recognised me? Your oldest and best friend. Surely you’ll run away now, rather than face me again. You must know I could have you arrested. Think of how pleased Hordak would be, me rooting out a traitor after all these years – you must know, you know I could- I should, I_ must _. Or have you forgotten me by now? Would you be so bold as to let me slip out of your memories, try to live your life as if nothing ever happened, like none of it mattered? I dare you. I dare you to try._

She wouldn’t show up, Catra was convinced of that fact. There was no way, no way she would come out again, it was a wonder she didn’t turn tail and run the minute she’d laid eyes on Catra before, but now she’d had all day to make her escape before Catra could think to lay hands on her-

She was there.

Like the night before, she emerged, and like the night before Catra was sent sprawling into a stunned stupor the moment she laid eyes on her. Her dress tonight was different, it was black, but it also sparkled like a night sky, gleaming under the moody lights of the bar. She was wearing silver earrings too, and her lips were a rich maroon. Far from the simple, humble appearance of before she was positively _enchanting_ now.

And when she played. When she played it was not the dreamlike fairytale of before. It was a story, a thrilling fable, a dramatic piece that pulled Catra’s heart up and down like she was truly a part of the play but simultaneously just a spectator drawn helplessly along by the strings of fate as the plot progressed.

By the end of it Catra had dug clawmarks into the table and there was a slick layer of sweat on her brow. She-Ra bowed to rapturous applause like always and the bar returned to its previous state as though nothing at all had passed.

The only thing that managed to snap her back to reality was a kick to her knee that caused her to hiss and wince in pain, scowling at Scorpia – but the other woman simply raised an eyebrow and tipped her head towards the performer, now packing up her violin while making pleasant conversation with a couple of other patrons. She laughed and Catra wanted to throw a table at her.

 _“Talk to her.”_ Came Scorpia’s whisper and she gritted her teeth.

_Screw you. Screw this, and screw you._

She stood, rich, boiling purpose now pulsing through her muscles. She strode across to the stage, locking eyes with the woman who had taunted from around her neck for _too many years_.

“Ah, hello, yes?”

And she locked up.

Time seemed to freeze.

What could she say?

She didn’t feel anger, suddenly; nor anguish, nor relief nor affection or rapture. She felt… all of it, to some degree. But it wasn’t anything enough to successfully form into mere _words_.

She stared, glaring. She tried to form the start of a sentence.

“Ah… Uh, you-”

“Yes?”

The look she received was encouraging, like Adora was the one now daring her, daring Catra to speak the words that would be her death sentence. Calling her bluff.

“I… I, you-”

A pause.

“You… enjoyed the performance?”

Her smile was like a bomb blast and Catra for the first time in all these years felt so very, very small. People were beginning to take notice of her, too, she could feel their stares, hear their murmurs. She didn’t want to consider what her two companions might be thinking right now.

“No- that is, yes- forget it!”

And before she could possibly embarrass herself further she stormed out of the room, all but sprinting her way back to her room and heaving out a breath she didn’t know she was holding while she slid down the door.

_Damn it. Damn it. Damn it!_

There were three separate knocks at her door that night. She pulled a pillow down over her head and waited for them to give up. She didn’t want to speak to her friends right now. She didn't want to see their faces.

Even half a decade later, it was like she was still invisible all along.


	3. Reflections

Sleep didn’t come easy to her tonight. When she saw the first hint of sunlight breaking from the horizon she abandoned her efforts entirely and opted for an early start. She needed some time, some space.

_Gone for a walk. See you at breakfast. Catra._

She did her companions the courtesy of slipping a note quietly under their door, pausing for a second to listen for any signs of life. Knowing them, Scorpia had likely passed out as soon as she hit the sack while Entrapta would have stayed up late working on stray thoughts and ideas that crossed her mind. Possibly Scorpia might have woken later, found her asleep, to retrieve and place her in her own bed.

Sometimes she missed their times of communal sleeping quarters, back long ago when they were just starting out together, when they were all on equal footing. But it was inappropriate, now, for her to share quarters with her subordinates. A sign of weakness, of foolish sentimentality.

A rumbling growl came up from the bottom of her throat. She pushed down those thoughts, those memories, those needless connections with ones who were there only to heed her command and facilitate her goals. It all sought only to hold her back, stifle her ambition.

Air. She needed air.

Taking a minute to vent her frustrations in the direction of some petrified staff, she soon found herself striding along empty streets in the cool, crisp morning air. They should be exercising, really, all of them – keeping up their fitness lest they grow overly complacent between these comfortable walls.

Maybe Scorpia would spar with her a little. She needed some adrenaline rushing through her veins again.

 

* * *

 

 As she walked, she focused on her breathing and on taking steady strides, one foot after the other. Hotheaded she might be, but she knew how to gather her composure and clear her mind if given the chance. Just an hour or two until breakfast, then work, then she’d have a little time to work out what she’d be doing this evening. She’d eat in her room tonight. Alone.

 A little flare of heat rumbled in her chest; she clenched her fists, forcing it back down – and then something bounced heavily off her stomach.

“Oof- what d’you think you’re-?!”

She cut off mid-sentence, staring down into the wide, glistening eyes of a petrified child now stumbling back away from her. Her withering glare hesitated for just a moment, mouth opening and closing a couple of times quickly.

 _“Hey! Stop, you! Stop, damn it-”_ Before she could decide what to do next, there came another person’s cry, a flustered-looking man who reeled around the corner only to stop dead in his tracks as she locked eyes with him. She raised an eyebrow, hand on her hip.

“Yours, I take it?”

She gave a glance down again to the little girl, who she now noticed was gathering up an armful of apples that had scattered on their impact. Under her gaze the child shied away once more, bowing her head.

“Huh? Ah- no, no- far from it! This little _scoundrel_ decided she didn’t fancy _paying_ for those-”

“Oh, god, _really?_ Is that _really_ it? A few measly apples?”

He took a step away, taken aback – Catra grinned, giving him a scornful glare. He spluttered in response.

“Sh-she _stole_ from me! Don’t you think-”

“What, you people have nothing better to do than chase _kids_ about over half of a damn meal? And now you want me to waste _my_ time, too?”

“You mean you’re not going to-”

“Arrest her? I’m damn near bringing _you_ in for causing a scene this early! You think I give a damn about your petty matters of law and order? Like I’m just some dumb beat cop throwing my weight around to make you feel better about yourselves?” She tapped her horde insignia, growing a few inches more over him. “It’s not the Horde’s concern whether or not you can take care of your own pathetic issues. Why don’t you try a little _perspective_ , for once, and focus on keeping yourself _useful_ to us?”

The response was further stammering, blood draining from his face. She took a step closer, sneering. “Go on. Pick your fight. I’d be _very_ interested to hear your counterargument.”

He balked.

 _Hmph._ She whirled about, feeling much better already. But then she almost walked right into the small girl, who had barely moved a muscle since and had apparently been all but hiding behind her legs. She blinked twice, staring back in disbelief. “The hell’re you still doing here?”

“Th… thank you…”

Now she was on the back foot again. What did this kid have to be thankful for? It wasn’t like she’d done it out of any goodness of her heart – she’d just wanted someone to yell at and this guy had made himself so readily available. Nothing more to it than that. “Huh?”

“Thank you! I-I was, w-we were hungry, so I thought, I’d try to find us something, but then I thought, i-if I was quick I could get something really nice and not have to pay for it!”

“Uh… we?”

The girl nodded, rubbing the heel of her hand at soggy eyes and nostrils. “M-me ‘n’ my friend… she’s got no family now, ‘cause of the fighting… s-so I take care of her…”

Catra’s eye twitched. Her stomach objected strongly. For some reason her body, her everything, refused this girl; it was like a Pavlovian rejection to her very presence. But she simultaneously found herself unable to draw on any of the anger, the contempt, the resentment for anything and everything about this city.

All of that had abandoned her, somehow, temporarily.

“You, uh… you good friends, then?”

“ _Best_ friends!”

“Heh…”

She chuckled but she winced, too. Her claws dug into her palms while she looked at this girl, really looked at her.

“You take good care of her, kid. But stay out of trouble. Don’t make my day difficult any.”

Emphatic nodding was her response, the child creeping back away from her with only the meekest of uncertain smiles on her face. Then, she turned and hurried off with her ill-gotten goods.

 

* * *

 

 Well, at least she had something else on her mind now.

_The hell got into you there?_

She couldn’t help but find it sort of funny; of all the things they’d seen, all they’d done, all the foes they’d faced, turned out Catra’s one weakness, the one soft point in her steeled exterior, was sweet little kids that tweaked some notion of pity at the bottom of her heart.

Was she that tired, now?

 _No,_ she insisted. _There’s more to it than that._

The rest of the day dragged by, her mind thoroughly occupied with turning this dilemma over and over in her hands, examining it from every direction while vacantly dismissing the real world. The other two had this, they could manage without her for a few hours.

 _What’s the point intimidating some ignorant child anyways?_ She snorted. _In fact…_ And a smile grew on her again. The opposite was true. _Get in the kids’ good graces and they’ll start to look up to the Horde. Soon we’ll be all they ever knew, anyways. And this way… they’ll come to welcome it._

Now _that_ was the cool, logical thought that made her worthy of her position. A cut above the average troop, more than a mere idiot bully that was worth only as much as the weight of their muscle. She was smart. She was cunning.

_She was exactly who she was raised to be._

And suddenly, hand on her room’s door, that thought made her blood run cold.

_Is that all I am now?_

No. No, no, no. _Enough_ of this.

_“ENOUGH!”_

Her fist crashed into the wall and she doubled over where she stood, shrieking in shame and introspective contempt. This day had been _hell_ , one she seemed totally fixated on bringing about on _herself!_ She just wanted to tear her own traitorous brain from her skull, bash it out against a wall, rip out every last disloyal thought-

“Catra?”

That voice froze her to the spot. _No._

Her heart rate surging, she turned her head slowly, eyes wide.

“Ador-”

“Sh-!”

In an instant the gap between them had closed and a finger had franticly pressed itself to her lips. She blinked in shock, looking up into the panicked blue eyes that now peered around quickly. “Not here! Please. Can we…?”

She had no energy to refuse or resist. She nodded, and a second later they’d both slipped into Catra’s room, the door clicking shut behind them.

 

* * *

 

 “Adora?”

“Yes. Catra, I-”

“Hold on, were you _waiting_ for me?”

Adora nodded. “After last night… I asked for your room number. I thought- I figured that you’d want to talk. I called last night, but you didn’t respond…”

“You- so you _did_ recognise me?!”

“Of _course_ I did, Catra! You think I’d just forget the face of my best friend?”

It was too much, all too much for Catra. Too many emotions all at once, all one after the other, it was exhausting. It was…

She sank into the chair at her desk, face in her hands. Adora crossed the room to her quickly, crouching down to be at her eye level. “Catra? Hey! I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

_“Why are you here.”_

Adora withdrew briefly, swallowed, then approached again.

“I… I had to go _somewhere_.”

“To _Brightmoon_? To our _enemy?_ ”

“ _Everywhere_ was our enemy! I needed… somewhere, somewhere I could hide, start over. Somewhere that didn’t know me. Where no-one knew me.”

That drew a bitter laugh from Catra. “Hah… so much for that plan, huh?”

Adora. Of course. Adora. This was all some joke, it had to be, some trick played on her by the universe for the girl who broke her heart, who turned her life topsy-turvy, just _happened_ to come to be in precisely the worst place possible.

“I should turn you in.” The words were venomous but she couldn’t help herself. She felt Adora’s wince.

“…Why haven’t you?”

“Why didn’t you leave?”

“What-?”

Catra pulled her hands away from her face, looked up, made eye contact proper for the first time in too many years.

“You recognised me, the first night I was here. Why didn’t you leave? You _know_ what they’ll do to you if I- if I…”

She trailed off, shaking her head, fists balling up once more. Silence settled between them like a thick haze. Neither of them could bear to look at the other.

“…I don’t know.” Adora finally sighed, eyes reddening slightly. “I don’t know.”

And that was it. A pitiful explanation between two pitiful people. Two pitiful people who bore far too heavy a burden of their pasts.

Catra was lost. She didn’t know what to do. There was only one thing she knew to do. But she couldn’t. Her being rejected it. Renounced it. She couldn’t.

_She’s a traitor._

But she was Adora. Her best friend. They were going to take on the world together.

_And then she left you._

But now she’s back. _Here_. With her. Was she going to just… throw her away again now? She could have run away, but she’s _here_.

_Hordak will have your head._

To _hell_ with Hordak. He doesn’t need to know. This doesn’t concern him, or the Horde. This was _her_ business.

_And when you leave?_

Who _cares?_ She was here NOW.

The silence was dragging on for too long. She needed to say something, anything. The first thing that was on her mind-

“…You were amazing.”

That, again, stunned Adora. “…Sorry?”

“Last night. And- and the night before. You were incredible. I didn’t… I didn’t know you were _capable_ of… all that. You know?”

Adora blinked twice, then smiled. “Well… I always was full of surprises.”

“And the music was pretty good, too.”

That one sent them both reeling. Had she just…? Adora’s eyes bulged and she blushed, coughing to cover a sheepish laugh.

“Well… Uh, thank you!”

Catra shook her head, laughing proper and turning to look upon Adora again with a crooked grin. It was at this point she realised that the room atmosphere was far thicker than before. Was she wearing perfume…? Her skin was heating, face burning.

“You look great, Adora.”

“You look… tired.”

She barked a laugh, swatting lightly at Adora’s hand now on her knee. “Wow, what a compliment! I was trying to be _nice_ , you know!”

“I can’t help it- you know I’ve always had a truthful heart!”

Catra’s claws now gripped around Adora’s wrist, flashing her a toothy grin. “You must have _something_ good to say to me in return! To your _best friend_!”

“Hah!” Adora pulled back, but Catra gripped on ever tighter, eyes narrowing, taking on a thoroughly impish expression. Adora rolled her eyes and smirked back. “I guess… with age comes _some_ maturity, I hope?”

“As _if!_ ”

Before she’d known what she was doing, Catra had given a hefty yank on Adora’s arm and pulled her fully into her lap. Their faces came close, incredibly close. Adora’s face went entirely red, which made Catra grin ever wider. “Well… then I guess I lied. Your performance wasn’t _that_ good.”

Adora looked at Catra’s eyes, then to her lips, then to her eyes again. “…No…?”

“No. It was _purrfect._ ”

Catra brought up a hand into Adora’s hair. Adora leant forward. Their lips met, locked together. They sighed against each other. Their bodies pressed into one.

 

* * *

 

 Catra’s mood over dinner was blissful. She spared neither a scowl or a sneer to others along the way. She smiled when she met up with Scorpia and Entrapta. She actually laughed along with some of their antics, paying no heed to their looks of shock and relief.

And when She-Ra- no, Adora- played again, it was a heavy, passionate melody that damn near had her breaking into sweat again. Adora surely locked eyes with her more than once over its course and she dared to wink slowly back amidst her inebriation.

Oh, Adora, did you stumble over a note there for a second? Clumsy.

“Hey,” came a voice from next to her. “Hey, Catra.”

Scorpia broke into her thoughts and she raised an eyebrow. “Hm?”

“…Are you wearing perfume?”

Her face went bright like a tomato. “N-no!”

Scorpia stared at her for a long ten seconds. Then she grinned happily, leaning back in her seat. “Okay!”


	4. More Promises

It was a struggle for Catra to not end up pacing in her room. She’d got in, taken a shower, dressed, looked herself over, even brushed her hair a little – a futile attempt – and now all she could do was stare at the door waiting for it to make a sound.

_She’ll come. She’ll come. She’ll come._

Even after their impromptu encounter earlier in the evening there was that vicious whisper of doubt in her ear – what if she didn’t? What if she was lying?

_What if she left you again?_

The anticipation, the not knowing, was the worst part of it all. And it hurt the most knowing this was probably a permanent scar on their relationship, a seed that had blossomed into a creeping vine, digging in with stinging thorns, trust or relaxation now seemingly impossible.

What reason would she have not to come? They’d talked. They’d kissed. They’d kissed some more. And then she’d slipped away, time running out, with promises she’d be back as soon as the night was done. There was no conceivable reason for her to lie.

But still that rock in her stomach refused to budge. Still her eyes darted back to the door every other second. Just waiting. Waiting.

When the knock came she all but leaped across the floor – catching herself at the last moment. Peering through the peep-hole. It could be Scorpia or Entrapta, fate could choose this second to twist the knife. Take nothing for granted.

She saw blue eyes and her grip tightened on the handle immediately.

_Hold on._

She smirked, leaving it a little longer. After all, there was no rush now. It was just a little playful revenge for these 20 minutes of stewing in her own fear and doubt. Adora looked a little nervous, in the way someone does when making an unseemly rendezvous late at night.

She also looked stunning.

It was a striking difference between She-Ra on stage and Adora in the flesh. Her hair was back up, the makeup was gone, and back was the plain but pretty-looking red dress accented by just a handful of golden accessories. Modest. Proper. Pretty. Exactly as Catra remembered her.

A rush of blood went to her ears and she could hear her breath come out heavier, faster. Just looking at her brought about a tidal wave of emotions she could barely begin to describe if she even cared to try; all she knew was she couldn’t stand to let this door stand between them a second longer.

As Adora reached out to knock again, she swung it open and, in one smooth motion, took Adora’s arm, pulled her in, grabbed and spun her around by the waist and kicked the door back shut, dipping Adora down and leaning in to her astonished face.

_“Heyyyy, Adora.”_

She followed up with a kiss that Adora had no option but to reciprocate, if only for a couple of seconds before pulling herself away and pushing a hand into Catra’s face.

“No- no, if we start kissing now we won’t do anything else all night!”

“Is that a problem…?”

“It is when the whole reason I came is for us to talk!”

“The _whole_ reason?”

Adora bit her lip, before rolling her eyes and shaking her head with a slight smirk, her face visibly reddened.

“Ugh, I wouldn’t have bothered if I’d known you were on _heat._ ”

“You sure you wouldn’t have been doubly convinced?”

“ _Catra._ ” She brought her hand under Catra’s chin, squeezing her cheeks. “I swear to god. Think once before you speak, _please_. Preferably with your _brain_ and not your-”

Catra swung her back up again, carefully angled so that they came to be face to face with her hands on Adora’s hips. She grinned her signature impish grin.

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

And she simply let go, Adora nearly stumbling over backwards with mixed curses as Catra turned and crossed to the bed, sitting down on its edge and crossing her legs. An eyebrow was raised at Adora, hand patting the space next to her. Adora sighed before joining her.

“You’re something else, Catra.”

“What, is that meant to offend me?”

“I’d settle for like, a moment’s introspection? I know that’s a lot to ask, but you know. A girl can dream.”

The two of them laughed and it was like they were kids again; the years flew off their backs like feathers in the wind. Adora’s shoulder bumped against Catra’s and their hands clasped together and they just revelled in the feeling and knowledge that they were _here_ , alive, the two of them feeling like they never were apart.

“I missed you.” Adora broke the silence with a sigh and the words lifted Catra’s heart on delicate wings.

But then a pit opened up in her and it sunk back down.

“…Then why did you leave?”

She felt Adora’s hand jerk back slightly, pull away. Catra gripped tighter, refusing to let her go even as she turned to avoid eye contact.

“…You know why.”

“No, I don’t!” She hissed, outrage flaring momentarily. “You didn’t tell me _anything!_ All I knew was one minute we were celebrating after battle, the next you’d _disappeared!_ We searched for you for _days_ , people thought you must have _died_ but I’d only just seen you and you didn’t even tell me what was wrong, what you were thinking, and you know how badly you almost screwed us over? Shadow Weaver nearly _lost it_ , if I hadn’t taken control, _fought_ it off her, the rebels would’ve _destroyed_ us! And I still- I still just- don’t know why-”

Despite Catra’s grip Adora pulled away, hands going up to hide her face. This only served to infuriate Catra further, leaning forwards to stare at her, dare her to finally respond and address these scars that refused to close. “ _Why?”_

“Because… because I saw what the Horde was doing. What it was capable of. And I couldn’t- I couldn’t be a part of it anymore! Because the Horde is so _terrible-”_

She was stunned for a second. Then she recoiled herself, in disbelief. “ _That_ was your reason? You have some sudden change of heart and like… that’s it? You _leave_?”

“I- I don’t know! I sort of- I was just, out in the field, I knew that if I went back to the Fright Zone there might _never_ be another opportunity to get away, I was up for promotion, they were going to make me an officer, and then- I’d be so deep- there’d be no chance-”

“So you _left me_.”

Adora looked back but Catra found it suddenly impossible to maintain eye contact. She stood abruptly, distancing herself from Adora’s attempts to reach back out again.

“I didn’t _want_ to leave you, Catra… it- it was a snap decision- I regretted it so much, I wish I’d gone back, but- if I’d been caught out, picked up again… that would have been it for me!”

“It was _almost_ it for _me!_ You know, some people thought I killed you _myself_ \- because I was the second in command, I was the prime suspect, they seriously considered that I might have murdered my _best friend_ just to get ahead!”

“I didn’t _mean-_ I didn’t _want_ that to-”

“What _did_ you want?! To run off and hop on board with the Princess Rebellion, like they’re any less _terrible_? You think you’re _better_ for having swapped sides? You’ve _seen_ what these princesses are like-”

“And _who_ were we fighting, Catra? Were we making things any better, for anyone? Because all I saw was burned towns, dead civilians- _genocide!_ ”

“Like _they’d_ be any different to _us!_ ”

 _“That’s exactly what I mean!_ They _are_ like us! Like- like the Horde! Do you think _they_ had any choice, either? All those people we killed, all the lives we ruined? Do you think they _wanted_ to be there?”

“I don’t _care!_ ”

This time it was Adora’s turn to recoil, Catra turning on her again with a vile snarl, her teeth bared, her hackles up; what the hell was Adora _talking_ about? Who _cared_ about them? Who gave a _damn?_ They’d told each other that _they_ were all that mattered, that nothing else made a difference for as long as they were together. Who cared how bad it was for anyone else? It was always hell, always had been, always _would_ be! Which was _why_ they had to be _there_ for each other!

“I don’t _care_ , Adora- I never cared! And neither did you! What the hell changed?! You don’t _know_ any of these people! You think they’d give a damn about you, if they knew you were from the Horde? If you hadn’t hidden, made up a whole fake story and identity just so they wouldn’t run you out of town the minute you showed up?! They only accept you because _they think you’re one of them!_ ”

And in the heat of the moment she said something she hadn’t considered herself capable of, which made even herself falter in shock the moment they escaped her.

“You think they’d care about you if I let slip your secret? If they knew the truth? You think they wouldn’t turn on you in an instant? Assuming Hordak doesn’t get to you first, I mean-”

She barely finished the sentence, taking a blow to the face that sent her stumbling back, head smacking sideways against the wall. She made a low growl and retaliated by grabbing Adora’s arms with savage claws, but Adora had already backed off again and just scowled back, blinking away angry tears.

“Don’t _threaten_ me! I did what I thought was right!”

“You did what was _best for yourself_! And you’ve been _so happy_ without me, you’ve got your perfect life where everyone loves you and everything’s perfect and you don’t have to worry about _anything_ that happened before! And you think you can just waltz right back into my life like I’m gonna just open my arms to you-”

_“You were the one who-”_

“I missed you _so much!_ But you didn’t even _care!”_

“I _did_ care! I cared so much, so much more than you’d believe, I _hated_ myself for what I did, I never forgave myself, I don’t think I ever _will-_ ”

“You didn’t even _recognise_ me!”

“I _did!_ ”

“Then why didn’t you _say_ anything to me? You looked right through me- like I was nothing, like I was never anything to you, like I was just some _stranger!_ ”

_“I was scared!”_

_Now_ Adora was crying proper, full tears screaming down her face with shaking hands, all the more infuriating to Catra as she now couldn’t decide whether to despise or pity her. “I was _scared_ , Catra, I couldn’t be sure if you knew it was me, I couldn’t tell if you’d say something, you could have _killed_ me if I slipped up, or if you let something slip, I had no idea you were going to be there and I was just so _unprepared_ I didn’t know what to do! I thought maybe if you didn’t know, if you weren’t sure, then maybe… maybe it would be best if we just didn’t interact, if we just moved past each other again, because- I mean, just _look_ at us now! There’s- there’s no way we can keep this up, you know? You _know_ we can’t. Sooner or later, we’re going to be apart again and there’ll be _nothing_ we can do about it!”

“I- I won’t let that happen,” Catra was immediately defiant, decisive. “I won’t!”

“Catra… there’s no way-”

“Things aren’t like they _were_ anymore, Adora! Have you _any_ idea what I’ve achieved? I’m a _Captain_ now, I have my own _team_ \- you know why I’m here? Because Hordak’s _rewarding_ me for my achievements. I’m not just a helpless child anymore, I have _respect_ and _power-_ ”

“Do you, Catra? How much power do you _really_ have? You think it’ll last forever?”

“People _respect_ me! They _fear_ me! I can get _anything I want!”_

Adora shook her head, dabbing at her eyes again. It was merciful, then, that she’d removed her eyeliner. She settled back down on the bed, slowly, before reaching out and taking Catra’s hand once more. “Then why are you so unhappy?”

“ _What?_ I’m not-”

“How much of it makes you happy, Catra? How much does it, really? Do you really want it, or is it just because it’s there and you can take it?”

Catra’s steam ran out. Her mouth hung open, but she couldn’t form words anymore. Instead her lip began to tremble and she hated it, god she hated it, was she really so childish, she was better than this- she put her hands to each side of her face, claws digging into her scalp, chewing back tears, willing herself to _get over it, say something, fight back._

 _“I’m not- I’m not giving you up,”_ she managed, going down onto her knees and grabbing her arms around Adora’s waist where she sat, her head face down in the other woman’s lap. _“I won’t. They’d have to kill me first.”_

Adora swallowed, her fingers finding their way into Catra’s mane and god, Catra had no idea how much she’d _missed_ that feeling, that touch. It was heaven, it was hell, it was comfort and thrill and passion-

“They _will_ kill you, Catra.”

“They can try.”

“They have all the power.”

Catra growled defiantly, but Adora found the perfect sweet spot behind her ear and her anger melted away instantly. This was all she wanted, it was everything she wanted – nothing else mattered to her at all, nothing she’d achieved, nothing she’d gained; she would in an instant tear down anything and everything in the world that dared try and stand between the two of them.

Adora once was all she’d had, and now she had everything but Adora.

Her claws dug in lightly, left faint marks in Adora’s thighs that caused the other to suck in breath before bringing a hand under her chin and brushing her thumb against Catra’s cheek. Catra turned her head slowly, looking back up at the girl who had ruined her irreversibly.

“I love you, Adora.”

Adora’s expression was affectionate and warm, but melancholy. “I love you too, Catra. But you need to let go.”

Catra shook her head petulantly. “Not now. Not now. Please.”

Adora simply sighed.

They stayed this way for some time, Catra purring gently into her lover’s touch as she arrogantly rejected Adora’s reality. Maybe they _would_ be together forever. Or maybe it would only be a month, a week, maybe only a day. She didn’t care. She wasn’t going to give Adora up, not willingly.

Eventually she grunted, nudged Adora’s hand away. Pulled herself up to sit in her lap, an arm around her back and a hand to her cheek. Their foreheads rested together. “Please stay. Please.” She’d never once in the past caught herself begging, but now she just felt desperate, needy. “Please stay.”

“Okay.”

Adora pressed a kiss to her cheek, then another. Catra took her by the chin and guided their mouths together instead. They kissed once, twice, another, another. The fifth one they held, the sixth a little longer. The seventh they broke only to breathe, which Catra did in pants, against Adora’s neck. She ran a claw there too, at the soft fleshy point above her sternum where she might be all too tempted to rip out someone’s throat.

“Catra…?”

“Yeah?”

“What, um… what are you doing?”

“…Wondering why you’ve not taken your dress off yet.”

“Do you… want me to?”

Catra actually paused, going silent as she continued to investigate this most vulnerable part of Adora’s neck, feeling the pulse from her jugular.

“…Not right now.”

She couldn’t focus. She couldn’t focus on anything like that right now. It wouldn’t feel right, it’d make her feel worse, make her hate herself more. “Just kiss me.”

Adora obliged, nuzzling into her hair and placing another kiss to the top of her head. Then her arms tugged around Catra tighter and squeezed them both together so close they could feel each other’s heart beats.

“Catra… you need to work out what it is you want.”

“I want you to stay.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.”

They were tired. It was late enough even had their conversation not been both emotionally and physically draining. Eventually they separated, the two of them leaning over the sink to rinse away the marks of misery that traced down their cheeks.

“I mean, if I am staying I guess I’ll _have_ to take this off.”

“Nothing I’ve not seen before, Adora.”

Which brought a smile and chuckle from her dumb idiot mouth. And then soon enough they were both bare in bed together, Catra curled up in a ball within Adora’s warm, strong, loving embrace. This was all she wanted. All she needed. She’d give up everything to experience this every single night of her life.

Wouldn’t Adora?


	5. Revelations

For once, it was a sound night’s sleep. But even as Catra stirred gently, when she felt the burning warmth of warm skin around her she jolted slightly at the unfamiliar sensation, preparing to defend herself. When a second later she realised the situation she settled only slightly, her hands shakily gripping around Adora’s waist, running up her sides, her shoulders, her neck, holding her gently, reminding herself of the shape of the woman she loved.

_If you pressed your thumbs in now she’d never wake again._

She sucked in her breath. Counted to ten. Twenty. Thirty. Finally as her sleepy vision began to blur with dizziness she exhaled and relaxed her hold. Adora snorted and grumbled in her sleep.

Catra watched her. Looked her body over. Curled her golden hair between her fingers. Tickled her claws gently over her bare stomach.

_This could have been yours every day._

This was what she’d been missing out on, every single day of Adora’s absence. Waking up to her touch, her smell, her warmth, the sound of her breathing. The taste of her lips when they stole silent kisses while no one was watching. All those times they’d laid together just looking into each other’s eyes. Still, more, she always wanted more.

She wanted more right now. She wanted to shake Adora awake and command hands to be on her, petting, stroking, comforting and pleasing. They had never once progressed to sexual intimacy, not once, because all Catra had ever wanted and needed was to experience Adora’s tender fingers on her back, her shoulders, her face, teasing away pain and worry and anything else that she wrongly thought mattered.

_Didn’t you push her away? Didn’t you lose her?_

She clung on around Adora’s waist, a little tighter than intended, and the girl winced as Catra’s claws left little welts in her sides. No. No. No. She might have lashed out sometimes but she always pulled her back twice as hard. No matter how troubled their relationship had been sometimes she had never once left a wound she couldn’t mend.

_So why did she leave? What if she leaves again?_

Catra slowly leaned in to Adora’s neck, again feeling that little lifeline of her jugular beating away. Softly, she whispered. _“I won’t let you.”_ And then she took a little of that beautiful flesh into her mouth, nibbling it delicately.

 _“Catra…”_ came the murmured response, but Adora didn’t stir proper. A few seconds later and her work was done, a slight brown hickey now marring her perfect skin. Catra smirked and placed a final kiss on that little mark of hers. Adora couldn’t get away from her that easily.

Nor could she. Pulling away was like trying to separate two magnets. She started with her feet first, then her legs. Her eyes were on Adora’s the whole way, managing to twist her body around to slide slowly off the bed. Her last lingering touch trailed down Adora’s arm, to her hand, to the tips of her fingers… and then they were apart and once again Catra could feel all the pressures in the world atop her shoulders. The spell was broken. She sighed, moving to get washed and dressed.

She almost faltered on the way out. She found herself sitting at the edge of the bed again, Adora still blissfully snoozing away. Catra had no idea how she always managed to look so peaceful, given the state of… everything. Adora seemed to live in her own state of happy ignorance. Maybe that was why Catra seemed to take the load for the two of them. She ran her hand through beautiful golden hair, sighing once more.

_Adora… if you only knew what I’d do for you so long as you’re mine._

She left one last kiss on Adora’s cheek, finally leaving her with only marks on her skin and a note on her desk.

_Have to work. Will see you later. Leave me now and I’ll kill you._

_Thinking of you._

_Catra._

 

* * *

 

Scorpia and Entrapta were waiting for her, which was a surprise. They both beamed from their seats at the table as she crossed the room – and as she sat they leaned in either side of her.

Scorpia, as always, piped up first in a cheery voice. “So… you were in a good mood last night!”

Catra gave them a dubious look. Oh god. They knew something. How much did they know?

“…Yeah, I guess I was.”

_“She-Ra was in your room last night!!”_

_“Trapta, nooooo!!!”_

_“AAAAGH, you spied on me?!”_

_“Aaaaaaah I’m sorry Scorpia I got too excited-”_

_“I told you not to be too obvious-”_

_“You TOO?!”_

_“It was my idea! I suggested that we follow and track her movements so you could better locate her but I had no idea you had already made plans of your own! This is why team communication is essential!!”_

“She _didn’t_ exactly play it cool, you know? She was _super_ suspicious, I was like, wow, _something’s_ going on tonight, and bam! She shows up right outside _your room_!”

_“Oh my god I’m actually going to kill you both-”_

“We had your best interests at heart! It is always imperative to thoroughly evaluate a threat before making an initial strike so as to ensure swift and efficient victory!”

“What we’re _saying_ , Captain…” Scorpia finally took control of the _discussion_ , after casting a glance around to see the immediately averted eyes previously gazing in their direction. “…is that we’re happy to see you are _thoroughly_ embracing your position here. And that we’re _so very disappointed_ you didn’t tell us more beforehand. _And_ that we are _entirely willing_ to forgive you if you tell us _all the juicy details!_ ”

“We’ll settle for _some_ of the juicy details for the sake of modesty, confidentiality and decency and because I’m already well acquainted with the low-level mechanics involved making a general overview entirely sufficient for the purposes of this briefing!” Entrapta paused. “Unless things got _weird_. Did they get weird?”

“We- we didn’t do anything!”

Scorpia raised an eyebrow. “ _Anything?”_

“We…” Catra pursed her lips, avoided eye contact and struggled best as she could to block off the blood from her face. “We talked. And we… kissed.” She gritted her teeth and looked down at the floor, trying not to see their faces lighting up. “Mostly we talked.”

“You kissed!!!” Scorpia slapped her on the back, causing her to hiss and then groan. “ _That’s_ our Catra!”

“What kind of kiss? I require greater detail!! Was it on the cheek, on the lips? A peck or a full-on smooch? _Were there tongues-”_

“Oooookay, that’s enough!” Scorpia cut in quickly, a claw pressed firmly against Entrapta’s mouth. Catra was glowing enough to fry an egg. “Well, good for you! You deserve to have some fun with someone pretty!”

“I said we _didn’t-”_

“You still had a nice time! That’s good! And you’re going to see her again, right?” She paused, leaning forwards and narrowing her eyes at Catra. “…Riiiiiight?”

“…Yeah. I am.” Catra smiled a bit, finally. She allowed herself a bit of a sappy moment reminding herself that Adora had said she’d be staying, at least for now. Their time together was unknown but it was greater than zero. That was good. It was nice.

“So… are you going to introduce us?”

“Huh?”

That caused Catra to lock up for a second. Of course, now the cat was out the bag she couldn’t just keep Adora _hidden_ from them. If anything it’d only arouse more suspicion. And they were her friends – her best friends, her squad, her loyal companions. But… they were still Horde soldiers. And Adora was, by all rights, an enemy, a traitor. Still, they clearly had no idea, hadn’t recognised her.

Plus…

They’d worked together for so long. They’d had each other’s backs, covered one another when matters were life or death. They shared… a bond. A life bond. Didn’t that supersede loyalty to the Horde?

“…Sure. Of course. Tonight.”

_Tonight? Oh god. Adora’s going to kill you._

Scorpia’s claws clacked together and if she glowed any brighter she’d block out the sun. _“Yay!_ I can’t WAIT!!!!”

Catra smiled through the pain and tried not to think of all the ways the evening was probably going to go wrong.

 

* * *

 

A strict “No date talk” rule was put in place by the time they hit the streets. Entrapta was vibrating as she walked, suppressing presumably more than a million questions and only managing to stay silent by busying herself furiously with a piece of tech she was twisting and pulling on between four separate clumps of hair as she walked.

Scorpia, mercifully, remained entirely professional for the duration of their excursion, though her usual smile was that bit more disconcertingly cheery for a paramilitary occupation.

Catra had to admit, there was a little bit more of a spring in her step and enough of a buzz to make yet another day of facing off against suits and drones feel for once the slightest bit tolerable. The atmosphere was, in fact, becoming a little more familiar by the day – the occupation was progressing, more and more troops being deployed to the streets and the Horde emblem becoming an increasingly common sight marching back and forth in groups.

Scorpia whistled as a couple tanks rolled past, kicking up clouds of dust from the now filthy roads. “Wow, they reinforced _fast_. I heard there was some trouble, something about the Queen’s kid kicking off about the occupation. Some folks got hurt, she got beat on, which y’know. People weren’t too happy seeing their kid royal get knocked around by Horde soldiers.”

 _Ugh. Their idiot princess started a fight and_ we’re _the bad guys?_

“Soooooo, anyway, Hordak’s keen to speed things along now. Might be our trip gets cut shorter than expected. But I think Plumeria’s next on our list! I hear it’s _lovely_ in spring, all the blossoms and blooming flowers…”

“…I hate flowers. I get allergies.” Catra responded curtly, her mood already dropping. No way. No. Way. Was the universe picking on her specifically? Give her a slightest taste of happiness only to snatch it away again a second later? _Damn it!_

“Oh. Well, we’ll probably be burning them and blowing them up and stuff! It’ll be like getting revenge on mother nature!”

Despite everything, Catra snorted. Scorpia had that way of _coercive optimism._ You _would_ be happy about things whether you liked it or not. Well. She had some time, still, at least a week or two. Time enough to work things out.

 _“Now_ you’re talking.” She grumbled, feeling that spire of malice working its way back up through her. When things got rough she could at least count on finding some way to channel that fury. Mm, maybe she’d get a flamethrower-

“Ooh, something’s happening up ahead!” Entrapta had lifted herself up a full foot and a half, waving a hand excitedly towards what seemed to be some sort of scuffle between two figures a few yards ahead. Catra’s eyes narrowed and she nodded to Scorpia, the three of them breaking into a run towards the apparent struggle.

 _“Stop- please! I’m sorry! I’m_ sorry! _”_

_“Shut it! What, you can’t take what you dish out? Think you won’t face consequences?”_

_“I didn’t mean it! I was stupid! Please!”_

_“Damn right you were stupid! I oughta bash your brains out your skull, might wisen you up some!”_

There was another thump of a baton smacking into flesh and another cry from the man on the floor- no, not a man, a kid, or at least a teenager, cowering as he was lambasted with abuse from the other who towered over him – the red wings of the Horde staring at her from the trooper’s back. As the three of them approached, they span around; noting the officer’s pin on Catra’s lapel, their hand went immediately up in a salute.

“Sir!”

“The hell’s going on here?”

Catra looked down to the boy, who instantly shied away from her as well as soon as he caught glimpse of her uniform. She scoffed and focused on the trooper in front of her. “Wanna explain?”

“This piece of dirt thought he’d be a hero like his precious princess, started hurling stuff at us! Look-” They held out a fist, unfurled it to reveal a hunk of rock that certainly looked sufficient to account for the slight dent in their helmet. “Some hero. Started squealing the second I caught up to the little runt-”

_“Mmyeah, that’s concrete…” Scorpia commented from Catra’s side, examining the offensive weapon from between the tips of her claws._

Catra just hmphed, paying no mind to the squirming, groaning form on the floor. “And that’s all? Just some stupid kid?”

“Think he had some buddies with him. Probably thought he’d look cool, didn’t bet on them all scattering as soon as he started anything-”

“I- I didn’t _mean-_ I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking!”

“I said _shut it!_ ”

Another kick was aimed at the hapless idiot on the ground, who let out another pathetic wail. Ugh. Melodramatic.

“You’re causing a scene.” Catra sneered.

“Better that than letting this _scum_ think he can act up to the Horde and get away with it!”

_“I won’t- I won’t-!”_

The baton came down again and elicited another scream. Another. Catra winced, seeing the boy roll over and put a hand up to defend himself. Blood was trickling down his face now, his eye swelling up in a welt. She’d seen her fair share of beatings, seen them, experienced them, even dealt them – but that was the Fright Zone, that was training, that was _discipline._

“That’s enough, soldier.”

But it didn’t stop. It didn’t stop. This was familiar, too, a red mist falling, possessing someone like a demon. The baton fell once more, twice, three times. The shouts, the cries, became more desperate. Catra blinked, stunned. What was happening? This wasn’t a warzone, this wasn’t the battlefield, this…

_This wasn’t right?_

She could see Scorpia to her side, equally as shocked. Entrapta, behind her, observing, mumbling to herself, a hand to her face. Wasn’t someone going to-

“I said _that’s enough!”_

Her body moved without thinking. With a click and buzz of energy she’d raised her own baton, crashing it down onto the trooper’s shoulders. Even as they grunted in pain she followed up with another strike across the top of their head, then another below the chin. In the seconds that followed she’d climbed atop him, slamming down on their helmet with her bare fists and clawing at the hands that desperately tried to push her away. She lashed out again, again, ignoring the yells ringing around her – until finally, suddenly, something grabbed her around the waist and pulled her bodily off them.

“Wo-oa-ah, okay! Okay! I think we’ve _aaaaall_ made our point, now!”

Scorpia’s grin never faltered, but even this one held a hint of panic in her eyes. With a _hup_ , she swung Catra around to be caught neatly in Entrapta’s hair, arms and legs bound up as she reflexively struggled and hissed. There was a deep-felt _fury_ in her that she couldn’t explain nor control, sinking claws into Entrapta’s hair and tugging ineffectively, pulling maybe only a few clumps out here and there before her wrists were similarly restrained.

“So! What did we all learn here? No throwing stuff! Ends badly for everyone! This has been your Horde PSA! Now how about… we let this _aaaall_ go, take it as lessons learned, and move on, hmm?”

Scorpia’s words rang in Catra’s head, now a heavy grey cloud of semi-consciousness as her psyche strained for reconnection with her struggling physical being. Her wild flailing had faltered, now confronted with the confusing reality of being wound up in unbreakable ties. Entrapta spoke soft reassuring words to her that didn’t make sense, didn’t quite hit their mark.

She was only vaguely aware of the trooper, now moderately worse for wear, staggering off as she came to be on all fours on the ground, gasping for breaths that had left her for far too long. Her thoughts were a dizzying rush of thoughts, emotion and adrenaline and she dry heaved a couple of times where she knelt. The brush of hair on her back only helped a little as her sight came back, finding herself alone again with only her crew for company.

“Phew! Well, that happened. You all alright, ‘Cap?”

Catra remained on the floor for a short while, claws retracted, balling and unballing her fists several times while she took some slow, deep breaths and glowered at the floor which slowly ceased its spinning. As the colour gradually returned to her face she looked up to Scorpia’s sympathetic smile. Feeling as though rising up from a crash, she only nodded, very, very slowly. Scorpia’s claw fell across her shoulders and Catra exhaled fully, begrudgingly allowing herself to be pulled into the woman’s side.

“Good enough for me! Now… how’s about we turn in? I’m reaaaaally looking forward to dinner, ya know? Let’s all look forward to that! I think we could all do with a nice meal to cheer us up!”

Still shaking all over, Catra couldn’t manage any response. God, this was going to be a long night.


	6. Resolve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew I took a lil bit of a break to get my thoughts together for this fic but I think I have a good idea where I'm going again so we can HOPE BACK ON THIS RIDE

Once again, the wait was the most nerve-wracking.

Drumming fingers on the tabletop, tail swinging underneath, Catra tried to play it mostly cool to her companions, or at least pass it off as regular nerves. Already she was cursing past Catra for putting herself in this mess, without any chance to consult or warn Adora about meeting her Horde friends. It shouldn’t be too bad, though, right? Scorpia and Entrapta had no way of knowing her, they only came to know Catra _years_ after Adora was gone, they would barely recognise the _name_ if she happened to let it slip, let alone the face.

“Come on, Catra, eat something,” Scorpia nudged her in the side with a smile. “You’re so stressed all the time! You gotta enjoy the little things.”

“Eh…” Catra poked around some of the starters on her plate, undeniably a sight infinitely more appetising than anything the Horde dropped on their trays and a whole lot more solid, too. “I’m not feeling it.”

“Have a drink or something!” she paused. “It’ll be _fine_ , trust me. We’ll be nice!”

 _That’s not what I’m worried about._ Catra sighed, taking a mouthful of wine – blegh, she still couldn’t stand this fancy high society stuff. She’d much rather toss back a shot of the pure poison that was Horde alcohol, which would hit you hard and fast and get it over with, than have to cope with this weird, fragrant, fruity crap that stuck in your mouth for hours.

She considered many things as she stewed in her mildly tipsy thoughts. Changing her mind. Running away. Maybe getting in a fight. Maybe yelling at Adora, getting in a fight, then running away. Nothing came to mind, though, that wouldn’t be far worse in the long term.

And then before she knew it a lock of purple hair had grabbed her excitedly by the arm and shook it. _“There! I see her! Here she comes!”_

Catra’s heart once more began its steady climb up her throat as she turned to Entrapta’s excited gesturing. Adora, again far more beautiful than she had any right to be, wearing a dark red skater dress that honestly made Catra feel personally victimised. But wait, they hadn’t even eaten yet… it was far too soon to-

“…Scorpia, did you…”

“Well… I thought it’d be nice if she could eat with us! Much more relaxing, right?”

_No. Much worse. Much, much worse._

“Does she _know_ it’s us she’s eating with?”

“Nope! It’s a surprise!”

_MUCH, MUCH, MUCH WORSE._

Adora was looking around, clearly a little perplexed by the circumstances. The other tables, while there were some turned heads as fellow guests recognised her, made no attempts to draw her attention. She frowned, unsure where to go… before her eyes fell on Catra.

Catra raised a hand slowly to wave, giving a smile like she knew she was in big trouble. Adora’s face fell and her body twisted away with apparent second thoughts on the whole thing; Catra waved again, more insistently, making a pointed gesture to the seat next to her. She saw the other girl’s shoulders slump and gritted her teeth. She’d owe Adora big for this, for sure.

 “She-Ra! Oh wow! It’s so lovely to meet you, I’m _such_ a big fan! I’m so glad you could join us!”

Before she’d had the chance to even sit down, Scorpia had leapt in to shake Adora’s hand. Adora blinked but offered a polite smile in response to the woman’s beaming expression and face that was  impossible not to be charmed by. “Ah… thank you! I wasn’t aware I was well known in the Horde…?” she glimpsed sidelong at Catra, who gave a small but frantic shake of her head and shrug.

“Oh, you’re not! I only heard you the first time the other day!” Scorpia grinned. “Just goes to show how big of a fan I am, huh?”

Adora pulled a face, but there was at least an air of relief about her. “Uh… yes! I suppose?”

Catra tried very hard not to grind her teeth too audibly. Quickly she stood up. “She-Ra, this is Scorpia, Scorpia, She-Ra.” A breath. “She-Ra, this is Entrapta. Entrapta…”

She trailed off. Entrapta had pushed herself up with her hair and leaned forwards across the table. Her hands suddenly gripped Adora’s face, gently pulling it towards her own and seemingly examining it with her pink goggled gaze. A light flashed into each of Adora’s eyes quicker than Adora could attempt to react, then she was released and Entrapta leant back, her lightning-round diagnostics complete.

“Good health, _impressive_ build; soft skin, lips not too dry, eyesight below average but perfect pupil dilation…” she rubbed her chin for a second, giving Adora another look up and down with apparently no mind to her flustered and partly outright terrified expression. “Yes! I had no doubts about you from the beginning!” her mask was popped off to reveal her joyful expression. “And you are a wonderful match for Catra’s own lithe and flexible form! You balance out her dexterity with your own strength, and not to mention- _mmfffmfmf”_

Scorpia had put a claw to Entrapta’s mouth. “Haha! Inappropriate! Let’s sit!”

Catra sat down first, hands running down her face. She felt Adora take the spot next to her and exhaled, a second later turning to look at the other girl. Adora’s expression was… complicated, for sure. Uncomfortable. A little annoyed. Pretty annoyed. It looked like she was putting all her energy into just staying calm. Carefully Catra moved her hand, touched her fingers to Adora’s. When the other girl didn’t pull away she took Adora’s hand fully, squeezed it. She heard the other girl exhale slightly, too.

This was stupid. This was stressful. But they’d manage together.

 

* * *

 

The questions about the two of them went mercifully on hold after ten minutes as their meals arrived. Scorpia dug right in; Entrapta spent time carefully examining each of the specimens on her plate before either pocketing or sampling them; Adora ate slowly and carefully, drawing out the reprieve for as long as possible. Catra, for her part, really didn’t have the stomach for any of it.

“Oh- oh- so where were you born?! Where did you come from? I mean, there’s loads of different rumours, but all I know is you _definitely_ weren’t Brightmoon born and raised, right??”

Catra choked on her salad; Scorpia was all too happy to assist with a slap to the back that stung painfully. This thankfully gave Adora enough time to take a deep breath and prepare her answer.

“Mystacor, actually! I know its borders are mostly closed but they aren’t too interested in more _frivolous_ cultural endeavours. They thought my music was a waste of time so I thought, hey, why not share it with everyone else, right?”

Mouth agape, Catra’s stunned look was met with a smug smirk from Adora. Oh god, she was _good_. Dangerously good. Well, Adora hadn’t been top of the class for espionage and subterfuge for nothing. Just like… every other class. Scorpia, meanwhile, was delighted.

“Mystacor!! Ohh, that’s _fascinating!_ What do you remember about growing up there? We know so little about it since it’s so closed off from the rest of the world!”

Catra caught that little twitch of Adora’s eye. Yes, sorry, Adora, you had to witness the infinitely frustrating enthusiasm that was Scorpia on a good day, which was every day. “Uhh, well. I remember… there was just, _incredible_ natural spaces, you know? You’d go out for a walk and you’d see all sorts of weird and wonderful animals! I liked to sketch them, sometimes, keep a log of what I saw!”

Catra smirked, seeing the first signs of sweat beginning to glisten on Adora’s forehead. She’d always enjoyed the moments where she could really see the girl squirm, a reminder that miss perfect wasn’t _entirely_ infallible. Coolly she slid into the conversation. “Sooo, I actually wanted to know…” And ignoring the narrowing eyes thrown in her direction she smiled and continued, “You gotta have hung out with the _real_ bigwigs, right? Any royalty? Gimme the good stuff!”

Adora glowered at her. Then slowly her eyes rolled and she sighed. “Yes. I’ve performed at the Brightmoon palace.” There was an _ooooh_ and Scorpia and Entrapta leant in, eyes sparkling. Catra just snorted. “It was for the princess’ birthday, actually! She’s _really_ sweet. She couldn’t stop gushing about how much she _loved_ my music. She was _really_ into me.”

Catra blinked, frowning. Adora was staring her down with a challenging glare. “I see her sometimes, still! We _love_ to hang out. I might hit her up soon, actually, now I mention it… it’s been a long time, might be nice to catch up!”

 _Ohh, you are not-_ Catra twitched now, tail flicking sharply under the table. A slight growl began to form in a rumble at the back of her throat. “Well,” she responded curtly. “I’m glad you and the _princess_ get along so well! I mean, we’re all big fans of the royalty, right?” She looked over to the other two, of whom Scorpia was nodding enthusiastically, Entrapta doing the same before stopping, thinking a moment and shifting to a shake of her head.

“Oh, yes, I know the Horde are _huge_ supporters of the monarchy! Maybe you’d like to meet the princess yourself? I know you’d get along _so_ well, you’re quite _alike_ , really!”

Adora was wearing a smirk that Catra just wanted to rip off her face. She spat back, “Oh, no need for _that_ , I’m just _happy_ that you’ve made such _good friends_ in such _high places!_ I’d only _embarrass_ you in comparison!”

“But they’d be _so_ happy to see you! I mean, a Etherian princess and a Horde officer? It’s a match made in _heaven!_ ”

_“Oh yeah, a Horde soldier rubbing shoulders with princesses! Definitely up there on things that would and should definitely happen! Almost makes me feel like I want to ditch everything entirely and hop in bed with the enemy!”_

Adora’s mouth dropped open, “I did NOT-”

Catra grabbed her arm, Adora cut off as she was yanked away from the table and the others. Scorpia and Entrapta only blinked a couple of times, clearly a few steps behind in the conversation.

“Me and She-Ra are going to get some air! See you guys in a minute!” Catra just about managed to speak without spitting, her claws digging in to Adora’s skin as she was dragged away from the others and towards the back of the bar. Down a corridor they strode in enraged silence, before Catra all but kicked a fire door open to take them outside into an alleyway. As soon as it slammed shut behind them Catra span around to meet an equally furious Adora’s gaze.

“What. The _hell_. Is your _problem_?” Catra hissed, only to find herself shoved back against a wall, grunting as her shoulders bounced off hard concrete.

“What is _your_ problem?!” Adora spat back, hands still on Catra’s shoulders to hold her in place. “As soon as you first saw me you started a scene, you have me make some _secret rendezvous_ at your room, then you think it’s okay to _show me off_ to your Horde buddies and _bring up everything I’ve been trying to-”_

“I was _not_ the one who started all that! You _totally lost it-”_

“ _Duh, Catra!_ I’m sat there across from _three Horde soldiers_ who could have me _erased_ if I said the wrong thing-”

“They would _not!_ I know my people! And they’re _my-”_

“They’re _Horde._ ”

_“You were-”_

Catra caught herself, forcing her volume down to a low growl. “You were Horde, once.”

“Is _that_ what you were trying to get across to me? What _exactly_ were you trying to say? Because I can’t tell if you’re trying to intimidate me, or coax me back, or just trying to _prove_ something.”

_“Intimidate you?”_

“Catra.” Adora finally released her, stepping back a second and taking a breath, wiping her hands down her face. Finally she put one hand on her hip, glaring at Catra again. “When you asked to see me again last night, do you think I really had a choice? When you asked to bring me to dinner, do you think I had the option not to come?”

“What- of _course_ you did!”

“Really? When you could literally end my _life_ by saying the wrong word to the wrong people? When I feel like my odds of survival are _directly linked_ to keeping you happy around me? You think the odds aren’t _hideously stacked_ against me in that position?”

“I…” Catra looked incredulous. “You _really_ think I’d rat you out?”

“You think I can afford to risk it?”

Catra shrunk back against the wall, her knees feeling weaker with each passing second. Her lungs felt like they were failing and the warmth in her veins seemed to be draining right out of her leaving her cold and empty.

“So- so did you _ever_ want to…”

“I…” It was Adora’s turn to falter, turning her face away. Her hand went to her face, dabbing at the corners of her eyes. “Yes. Yes, Catra, I did. Of course I did, you know I did.”

Now Catra was upset _and_ confused. Her vision was blurring again, all her senses failing. Nothing made sense anymore, her own perception was failing her, her very understanding of the world, of everything in the past few days, was slipping away from her.

“I don’t understand. I don’t….”

“I’m… god, I’m sorry, Catra. I’m sorry. I just… everything was so _simple_ and now I don’t know what to do, I do want to, I do- I do love you, I do, and I haven’t once lied to you, but it’s just- I can’t ignore the danger, I can’t forget all of what happened and what it might _mean_ for me, what _you_ might mean for me. And it might not even be your fault, whatever happens, if it happens, it could be a mistake, or we could have some _stupid, stupid argument in public_ and it would all come crashing down and-” She wiped again at her eyes, taking a slow few breaths. “…And it would hurt you too, in the end, I know it would, and I’d spend my last hours just thinking of what _hell_ you might go through because of me, because of us, because we just _couldn’t_ let go… let go of everything, for our own sakes.”

“I don’t _want_ to let go!” Catra whined and it was pathetic, like a petulant child, like Adora was a favourite toy that she couldn’t allow herself to be parted from. “Screw the Horde! Screw everything! I want _you.”_

Adora laughed, a humourless laugh that caused her to wince from the tightening in her chest. She shook her head again. “That… that’s not an option either, though, is it? Where would you go, Catra? Where would _we_ go? Hordak wouldn’t just let you disappear so easily, and the kingdoms… with Brightmoon out of the picture, their days are pretty much numbered. And besides…” Adora looked over to the door for a second. “You have other people worth caring about.”

“I don’t _want…_ ”

“This is what I _mean_ , Catra!” Adora rounded on her again, her temper flaring. “You want _everything,_ you think you can just _get_ everything with power, with fear, by ordering people around and _bullying_ them, but you _can’t!_ You don’t have any _real_ power! You never will! That’s just… not how it works! It’s all _fake_.”

Catra’s world shattered. The wind was knocked out of her, her heart and lungs felt like they’d failed, given up, like there was no purpose to continuing a second longer. Slowly she slumped, coming down the wall to the floor where she pulled her legs up into herself, eyes staring directly forwards without focus.

A sigh from Adora. More deep breaths. Then, wordlessly, she sat beside Catra, mimicking her posture.

“I’m sorry.”

The words came from Catra, stunning Adora.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated, “For everything. I’ve ruined your life again. I’ve intimidated you, I’ve put you in danger, and not once did I _think_ about how it affected you, how it hurt you or scared you, or put you in… the position you’re in.” She closed her eyes, squinting them tightly. “I’m selfish. I’m greedy. I’m malicious and vengeful and, so _ignorant_.”

“Catra. It’s not your fault.”

“Some of it is.”

“Well… some of it’s mine.”

Her silence meant they’d found some common ground. Moments passed. Then, she felt a touch and looked up to find Adora taking her hand, brushing her thumb across its palm. Her eyes closed again, clenching her fingers around it.

“…the worst thing is, I still don’t want to give up. Knowing all of who I am, knowing all my mistakes and stupid, horrible things I’ve done. I can’t give you up. I won’t. I’m such an _idiot.”_

“I know you won’t.” Adora put her other hand under Catra’s chin, stroked it. Catra pushed her cheek into it, eyes coming open and falling on those of the woman she loved. “Because you’re Catra.”

Their tongues met, their bodies unable to stay apart across time and universes. They shared a kiss more passionate and more heartfelt than anyone else could have dared in their cruel, unfair world. A kiss of anger, of kindness, of joy and sorrow, of depression and determination.

Their foreheads rested together on each other for a period after, neither daring to pull apart and put even the slightest bit of space between them. Maybe if they just stayed here, they could wait out everything that sought to tear them apart. Maybe they could just wait for Armageddon to come.

Catra was the first to speak again, finally. “I’ll think of something. I’ll figure something out. There has to be some way.”

Adora tensed up, then reached up and brushed at Catra’s cheek again. “If you can’t… if there’s no way… just leave. Just leave me. I won’t be angry. And I’ll never forget you. Never.”

“Adora…”

Adora kissed her forehead, and Catra purred softly, pulling her in closer. “It won’t come to that. I swear. We’ll make it happen. Whatever they do… nothing really bad can happen if we have each other. And if they try, we’ll make them pay.”

“Oh, Catra…”

“I’d die for you, Adora. I would. I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“I know.”

Catra felt like she’d had a rebirth. She felt suddenly more alive than ever before, like her heart had doubled in size, strengthened, with some steely resolve. It was a different feeling than usual, a slow, warm one rather than hot and fast like an adrenaline rush – it tingled in the very tips of her fingers, her toes, it rang in her ears.

She picked Adora up, which was a feat in itself. The other woman gasped in shock, grasped around Catra’s neck, stared up at her in confusion. “C-catra?!”

“Mhmmm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Taking you back to my room, duh. If these might be our last nights together, there is _no_ way I am letting you out of my sight longer than I have to.”

Adora’s cheeks filled with colour, but her expression also lit up with a smile. “…What about the others?”

“They’ll figure it out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone who's read this so far! So as you can see, I've not updated this fic in a while... the unfortunate fact is: I have ADHD. Back in December when I started writing for She-Ra, I hyperfocused SUPER hard on She-Ra and was writing for it pretty much every day; you can see I literally was posting new chapters for my fics day-in-day-out back then. But now that focus has gone and it's... the complete opposite. I just can't find ANY drive to write for this fandom right now. I still love it! A ton! And I know EXACTLY what I want to write for this fic, too, I have it all planned out in my head! But I just can't bring those words out of my jumbled up neurodivergent brain.
> 
> Now it's only been a couple of months and this fic is far from being considered abandoned just yet but it's been nagging at me a ton and I do get occasional comments enthusiastic about a new update, which is great! I'm so glad people like this fic because I love it, too, it's one of my best pieces of writing! But for now it's gonna stay on hold a while until I can manage to get the focus back to come and finish it.
> 
> Bear with me and I'll get this thing done! I absolutely can't stand to leave it here unfinished so it *will* be complete at some point in the future, hopefully not too long either!


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